Dark Matter

After all these years, it still tears me up inside--
this swirling mass of indigestible darkness.
Sometimes it feels like it's my center of gravity,
and all I can do is give myself in, and revolve,
like a lonely satellite,
always to see and never to feel.

And on my worst days,
the only thing that helps,
is to remember how badly
you treated me in the end,
and how hurt you must have been,
to bring yourself to do it.

Weregild

It would be reasonable to expect,
given the life I've been living,
that I would be more tolerant
of mediocrity.

Never Never

I've spent the last days of my youth,
shirking, dodging, refusing adulthood.

Promises of redemption fade with time,
with hairlines, with heartaches and histrionics.

I'm Peter fucking Pan.
A king among children.

Last of a dying breed
of adult runaways.

Unordained

When my Sisyphean mask fails,
and you are made, at last, to see
the grasping tendrils
of my madnesses;

Will you see me through my naked face,
or will you even hold my gaze?

Is there anything left
of me worth saving?

Pourquoi
ne suis-je pas
vivant?

Paradigm Shift

It's curious how often
lovers look like siblings.

Penitence

The tears of a hypocrite
are no less sincere--but
good luck trying
to prove it.

Requital

Insomnia is just a symptom

Distraction

Five years wasted,
paralyzed by fear.

Sliding across the earth,
like the shadow of a snake.

Loneliness is the curse,

that gives us the means
to achieve greatness,

the desire to drive us
toward its pursuit,

and the madness to distract us
from its fulfillment.

Grand Testament

I have always been such a fucking coward.

Investment

Things are often less costly
to replace than to repair.

Emotion

Is the shadow,
cast upon your brain,
by the light,
shining through your eyes.

Labyrinths

My dreams drag me
out in the open.

All things hidden
find voice in the void.

Misery is Manifold

The spurned lover finds peace
through torture.

Diptych

Sometimes it hurts
             More than this,
When everything
             I want to be,
Seems so far
             Away from here.
Beyond my reach.
             Away from me.

Memento Mori

I just couldn't help
myself.

Sepia

It has taken many years
to gather the strength,
but now I'd like to look back
across the wreckage of our life together
to find comfort in its idylls.

Yet I find the memories
do not come easily to mind,
like opening a trusted photo album,
and finding many of the pictures
have rotted away.

Worse, kept so long from sight,
they've become pale and
sickly to look upon-
A confusion of sepia-toned
unloveliness.

There is no comfort here,
and if there ever was,
it has been lost,
along with so many
other things.

I hope you don't die
before I remember to forgive you.

Better

I still feel guilty
for giving you
the worst years
of my life.

Untitled

Looking back at my life,
most of my really major mistakes,
were made because I was lonely.

Nausea

Self is the
triangulation
of experience.

Original Ending

What a thing,
   To tell the truth
      With your back
         Against the wall.

Unmoved

Things are strange, indeed.

I always thought life was supposed to be about ups and downs,
and the best one could reasonably hope for was a high average.

Lately, I'm living a straight line, or a dot, suspended in time.

A static node about which things revolve but do not touch. First mover, unmoved.

I miss you as I miss my childhood, true emotions.
First impressions, first chances, first loves.

I love you and I love nothing.

Yearning

In my secret heart, I wish
for incandescence unrestrained.

Ballad of Dead Leaves

My sleep is fevered and intense.
I awake to the sound of my own voice,
and I fear I must have been calling out your name.
I dress in the dark and leave the house in silence.

The walk is cold and lonely.
The leaves have all blown away,
leaving behind little indentations,
like cloven hoofprints in the earth.

I draw myself in, against the wind,
against the cold, against the deepening night.

Regret

I wish I remembered
what it was like
to love
instead of possess.

Ambivalence

is like
emotional
indigestion.

Life

is a dream,
to be lost
in the despair
of waking.

Parade

My life,
as ever,
is a parade
in the rain.

Infinity

written for, and edited by, Anthony Weir

Our lives,
by all accounts,
are just teardrops
in unending seas.

Reality

Let the television sing you to sleep,
just remember that reality
is only skin deep.

An Apology

A mirthless smile.
A bitter laugh.

A return to form, if not to function.

An ironic expression.
An iconic suggestion.

A well-rehearsed round of goodbyes.

And I apologize, my dear, that this mirthless smile is all I've left to give.

Geology

written for, and edited by, Anthony Weir

Some days I have
difficulty
seeing beyond
my own eyelids.
The whole of reality is a
blurred mass
of indistinguishable circumstance.

All things are one
with my isolation.

I want,
not a fresh start -
but a severance.
An uncompromising
disconnection.
An
unfettering.

To be left
alone.
Adrift in stone.

Nietzschean Tightrope

Taken out of context, a romantic act
can be treason, and love
the most selfish thing
in the world.

Social Semiotics

Abercrombie & Fitch
made the gun
that killed Ernest Hemingway.